Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
