got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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