I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
