He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize