one word: firstdatebathroomanal
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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