Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
