Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize