I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
