the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Did I show you my penis last night?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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