U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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