ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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