I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
