I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
