the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
