That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
