she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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