I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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