When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
