boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
