i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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