How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My ass is underappreciated
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
