I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
