i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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