why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The uberlube is also flammable
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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