I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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