oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
