i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She announced her abortion via fbk
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
