just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
