Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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