weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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