I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
