3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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