i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
