I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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