I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
