I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
