She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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