Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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