I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize