omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
