Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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