I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
