You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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