At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
