I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We talked him into tasing himself.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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