I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
