Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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