I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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