The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Send help, water and tortillas.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
