Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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