I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Houston, we have a blender
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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