the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
