Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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