someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
