So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
