either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
