yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
