butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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