So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
only you would photoshop your dick
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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