Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
