The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
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