You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize