just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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