There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
