it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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