"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
