best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
