i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
