Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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