ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
