I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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