Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize